Our Little Nicholas

A Cesarean Section, like any other surgical procedures is a risky operation. It is a procedure in which incisions are made through an expecting Mom’s abdomen and uterus to deliver her baby.

I was both disappointed and frightened when I learned I will be having my Cesarean Section today if my baby’s heart rate monitoring will come out unsuccessful. If Little Nico’s heart rate will be fine though, I’ll be having the operation on Monday just to give me two days to wait for a possible normal delivery. I was shocked to learn about it yesterday that I walked from the hospital to the boarding house (I don’t know, maybe about 2 kilometers or so?). I left the hospital about 430PM and reached home at 6PM, completely unaware of what I just did, I was not expecting the sudden turn of events.

I know I should not think negatively about it, that I should think it’s for the safety of Little Nico. I just can’t help having a sleepless night though. My mind was filled with morbid and unpleasant thoughts. I was terrified and I ended up scolding myself for being so negative. Then my thoughts wander to more senseless and unproductive direction and sleep has been so elusive.

I was confident I can deliver my 8-pounder angel, but my doctor countered my confidence when she showed me my very low fluid level and when I almost cried out when she did an IE to me, proving that I haven’t dilated yet and my cervix is so closed. We cannot risk losing more fluid and wait for a normal delivery when little Nico is still enjoying his floating moments and doesn’t want to go down. So it’s a CS delivery then.

I was thinking about the complications that a Cesarean Section will cause me. I will be at risk for infection and increased blood loss. My bowel functions will also decrease and I might suffer respiratory complications. And I got so agitated that I will have to stay 3-5 days in the hospital because of it and may have to wait 4-6 weeks to fully recover from the pain of the incision. But what really hurt me most are th possible risks that the operation may bring to my little angel. It may cause him breathing problems, a low Apsgar score, distress or maybe even injury. No wonder I haven’t had an hour of sleep last night.

But I feel alright now. I talked to God this morning. I prayed and prayed to God for Him to deliver us safe from any harm or danger. And I know God will not fail me. He gave me Baby Nico as a gift. I’m sure He will allow me to nurture His most precious gift… the gift of life.

Since Little Nicholas is coming (felt like he’s knocking on the doors), Mommy mustered the courage to watch actual birth videos @ YouTube. Well, there are so many available videos to watch but what caught Mommy’s attention are these two videos entitled Pregnant Woman Giving Birth and Real Childbirth Video (I decided not to embed the videos here, some might not like the bloody scenes).

Mommy swallowed her saliva again and again while watching the videos. That’s how they do it? Some comments are right, it’s really scary! Do doctors really have to twist the baby’s head here and there? Is it really that bloody? I guess I’ll faint!

But then Mommy’s fear was easily replaced by relief and joy when she saw the baby’s hands coming out. Ah! Those cute little hands, so little, so soft! Then a few seconds after, the whole body followed, and he’s out! Wow! That was fast huh! Mommy felt silly crying in front of the monitor, witnessing that birth (bare with Mommy ok? She’s extra sentimental these days). It’s just beautiful to see a baby go out like that. Mommy can’t wait for Little Nicholas to go out too.

Oh! To hold Little Nicholas in my arms finally! No amount of blood or head twisting can stop me from giving birth. No amount of pain or fear can outweigh the bliss of seeing Little Nicholas at last!

Mommy read it in a book somewhere that the actual birth is painful due to many reasons. 10% is physical and 90% is functional (due to psychological and even emotional factors). Physical factors may include: the baby’s difficult position, baby’s big size, high blood pressure, fatigue, poor health and other unusual conditions. Functional causes can be:

1. Incomplete Muscle Relaxation - due to fear or counter responses to the physical pain

2. Improper Breathing - rapid and shallow breathing which depletes oxygen in the uterus and even causes toxicity and pain in every part of the skeletal muscles

3. Improper Positioning of Mom’s Body - some positions cause more pain

See? It isn’t so hard right? Mommy just have to make sure she isn’t scared and she’s [repared for D-Day. Everything will go smoothyl. It’s definitely a month (more or less) to go; let’s get the ball rolling and start the countdown. Mommy’s ready!