Yes, all the pain and agony, all the sacrifices, all the worries and the agitations, all the sufferings… are all worth it. Seeing my baby, holding him in my arms, touching his hair so soft, his skin so smooth, cuddling him, kissing him… having him at last… nothing can ever surpass the joy of motherhood.

A Cesarean Section can be painful after the operation; it is ever painful on the pocket too. But none of these pains can stop me from having my little Nicholas.

On December 15, 2008 at exactly 8:00 o’clock in the morning, the OR staff came and fetch me in my room. They say it’s time for my operation at last. I said another prayer before they wheeled me inside the Operating Room and I touched my tummy affectionately telling my baby everything will be fine.

The Obstetrician has other matters to attend to and so she came in late and the operation started at 8:44 in the morning. I was given the anesthesia shot first on my spinal so half of my body will be numb for the incision. The doctors were getting busy and bloody while I’m having some blissful thoughts of playing with my baby in a beautiful garden full of blooming flowers.

At last, by 9:07 in the morning, the doctor announced “A healthy bouncing baby boy!” I’m sure I grinned like a silly cat upon hearing those beautiful words. I know they have to clean my baby so I patiently waited for them to clean him while my incision was being stitched. Someone held my baby for me to see and a tear fell from my eye. Oh God… isn’t he the most beautiful baby on earth? The Anesthesiologist promised me I need to be stitched first and then I can be with my baby in the Recovery Room so I let them take my little angel away from my sight for a couple of minutes.

I was taken to the Recovery Room at 9:48 in the morning and they brought my angel to me. I was having chills due to the anesthesia but the discomfort cannot stop me from holding my baby in my arms and smelling his hair and touching his cheek. Oh my baby, my blood, my flesh, my life…

I knew I will be very happy to finally see little Nicholas but I didn’t expect to feel that way – I was euphoric with happiness, it seems my head was spinning and that I wanted to jump up and down and scream to let the whole world know that I’m a Mom… a very proud Mom.

Yes, it’s definitely all worth it. Thank God for this most wonderful gift of life…

My Smiling Angel

I have so much to say… so many things I wanna share… but for now, I am very much happy to present my precious bundle of joy to the world, my handsome little boy, my angel… My Little Nicholas….

My Cute Nicholas

My Handsome Darling

My Sleeping Baby

More posts and pictures to follow….

A Cesarean Section, like any other surgical procedures is a risky operation. It is a procedure in which incisions are made through an expecting Mom’s abdomen and uterus to deliver her baby.

I was both disappointed and frightened when I learned I will be having my Cesarean Section today if my baby’s heart rate monitoring will come out unsuccessful. If Little Nico’s heart rate will be fine though, I’ll be having the operation on Monday just to give me two days to wait for a possible normal delivery. I was shocked to learn about it yesterday that I walked from the hospital to the boarding house (I don’t know, maybe about 2 kilometers or so?). I left the hospital about 430PM and reached home at 6PM, completely unaware of what I just did, I was not expecting the sudden turn of events.

I know I should not think negatively about it, that I should think it’s for the safety of Little Nico. I just can’t help having a sleepless night though. My mind was filled with morbid and unpleasant thoughts. I was terrified and I ended up scolding myself for being so negative. Then my thoughts wander to more senseless and unproductive direction and sleep has been so elusive.

I was confident I can deliver my 8-pounder angel, but my doctor countered my confidence when she showed me my very low fluid level and when I almost cried out when she did an IE to me, proving that I haven’t dilated yet and my cervix is so closed. We cannot risk losing more fluid and wait for a normal delivery when little Nico is still enjoying his floating moments and doesn’t want to go down. So it’s a CS delivery then.

I was thinking about the complications that a Cesarean Section will cause me. I will be at risk for infection and increased blood loss. My bowel functions will also decrease and I might suffer respiratory complications. And I got so agitated that I will have to stay 3-5 days in the hospital because of it and may have to wait 4-6 weeks to fully recover from the pain of the incision. But what really hurt me most are th possible risks that the operation may bring to my little angel. It may cause him breathing problems, a low Apsgar score, distress or maybe even injury. No wonder I haven’t had an hour of sleep last night.

But I feel alright now. I talked to God this morning. I prayed and prayed to God for Him to deliver us safe from any harm or danger. And I know God will not fail me. He gave me Baby Nico as a gift. I’m sure He will allow me to nurture His most precious gift… the gift of life.

A CS section? Oh God!

I mean, if Nico’s Dad is a Caucasian, I wouldn’t have bothered but he’s a Filipino! My Mama said I was 5 lbs when I was born. However, I remember Nico’s Dad telling me he was 8 lbs when he was born.. Sigh! That must be it!

I lost 2 lbs in one week while Nico gained 2 lbs??? Now my baby’s got an appetite alright! I was making sure I don’t gain weight anymore. I don’t eat too much sweets, and don’t even drink softdrinks! I was careful with my food intake. But I observed that minutes after taking my meal, I’m hungry again! Hmmmm.. Is Baby Nico taking in all my food? Naughty little boy! Hihihi!

I just came back from my ultrasound session you see that’s why I knew about my little (not so little?) baby’s update. Later this afternoon we’ll be back to the hospital for our pre-natal check. I better prepare a long list of questions. I have to make sure I’m ready for D-Day!

I’ll update you later about my baby’s upcoming birth, for the meantime, Mommy and baby will take a walk… (ooppps! too hot outside, we’ll walk inside the room, hihihi!

Uh-uh! Mommy’s getting tired of hearing the same question over and over again. It seems like she has been asked this question at least 5 times a day by different people.

I’m sure they don’t mean harm and that those people are just excited to see my cute little face at last (hihihi!) but it’s really getting into Mommy’s nerves. She’s been through a lot, we’ve been through a lot together in this pregnancy. There was that “depression battle”; then there came the water breaking and the symptoms of infection and the would-have-been “labor induction”. Then there was that day that Mom cried all day because I was not moving anymore. Poor Mommy, she’s been experiencing too much despair lately.

And now, people kept on asking her when she’ll be “un-pregnant”. Mommy is tired of carrying me, I know that, the discomfort, the lack of sleep, the pains, the disability to do the things she used to do.. but oh well, this is the nature of life. I’ll come out when I’ll come out. I still love hanging inside Mommy’s tummy, it feels so warm and cozy here, hihihi!

Don’t worry Mom, we’re just counting days, aren’t we? The truth is you’ll be missing me in your tummy when I get out too, so let’s just make the most of your pregnancy. I know you wanna see me, wanna hold me in your arms, wanna kiss me, I want all those things too… Let’s just be patient ok?

Let them ask Mom, just ignore the harassed feeling, you’ll get through it. Now give me your sweetest smile Mommy… I love you.. mwah!

I’m coming out!