Again, I had my prenatal check-up yesterday. I was fine with the doctor making me wait for 3 hours before checking me up. I was fine with straining my budget again for the check-up fee and even for another set of vitamins she’ll want me to take. But I wasn’t fine with the results of the check-up. I left the clinic numb yet shaking; dry yet teary, passive yet scared…
Who wouldn’t be?
I told my doctor about what happened last Saturday afternoon — about the fact that a small amount (I estimated it’s about half a regular-sized glass) of water came out of me, crystal clear and odorless. I never felt any pain then or any strange feelings in my body. I was just curious what was that. My docotr’s face was tainted with concern then and her hand was scribbling so fast — writing the tests that I have to get today and the medications that I have to take starting last night (which I didn’t due to monetary reasons).
She told me I should have went to the emergency room last Saturday and had myself admitted. I was like “What? It wasn’t that serious, it was just a small amount of water, that’s all!” She then looked at me like an angry mother would to her disobedient child and say “The baby could have been infected“. She then asked me if I was feverish or something and I said no. She asked me too if I have some odorous discharges and again I said no. Still, she wanted to be sure and have my blood checked for any infection and let me take antibiotics just to make sure. She also want me to get that ultrasound for biophysical profile just to make sure that Little Nicholas is fine.
Of course I wanna have all those tests! Of course I wanna make sure my little angel is fine! But I don’t have much money to do that. Where will I get the fund? My mind was twirling and I almost sank to depression thinking about it when I went home.
Back home, sitting on my bed, the doctor’s words echoed in my mind –”You have to go on a strict bed rest. No working for you. You have to lay down on bed all day and have a pitcher of water beside you so you won’t have to get up and drink water, you need to file a leave of absence at work.” I was dumbfounded, it’s that serious? Then she continued — “I may have to induce you to an emergency delivery if you are infected. I would want to do that this week but I’m afraid the baby’s still prematured for that so you’ll definitely have the delivery next week IF you have the infection.” I can feel my eyes growing large when she said that to me. The she dropped the bombshell — “And we may resort to a Ceasarean Section, depending on the gravity of the infection, the baby might be in danger.” I was totally mortified. I’m scared for my baby, I’m scared for Little Nicholas…
I had been careful wasn’t I? Have I been a bad Mommy? I was cautious of my actions, been taking vitamins and milk even if I have not enough money to spare for other things. I have been a good patient was I? Why is this happening now? Oh my sweet little angel, I cannot forgive myself if something bad happens to you… Please be well… Mommy’s really scared…